West: Some clueless words on weddings

By MIKE WEST

It's ridiculous to say events are snowballing the last week of July, but it's true.

Everyone and everything in Cannon County is getting geared up for the start of school next week. Yep, the traditional break is almost here ending one of the rainiest Julys ever.

The Corps of Engineer's rain gauge in Woodbury recorded nearly a foot of rain during July . a total of 10.99 inches to be exact.

The Old Farmers Almanac is predicting a drier August with an average temperature of 90 degrees. Precipitation is forecast at 2.5 inches, which is about two inches below average.

But the National Weather Service is already calling for rain this week. Wednesday's forecast is mostly cloudy with a chance of showers and thunderstorms with highs in the upper 80s and chance of rain 40 percent. On Thursday, there's a slight chance of showers and thunderstorms with lows around 70 and highs in the upper 80s. Chance of rain is rated at 20 percent.

The first full day of school is Monday, Aug. 5. That means children, parents and teachers are all scrambling to get new clothes, notebooks, pencils, pens and all that good stuff.

Of course, that doesn’t mean all the work is over. There’s some friendly pushing and shoving left before school is truly underway.

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While many folks are worried about the start of the school year, I personally have a bigger dilemma in the form of my daughter's wedding this fall.

I may never sleep again. I keep dreaming about numbers of guests, proper table decorations, flowers and rain. Yep, it is an outdoor event.

Just in case, I have a note pad near my bed to scribble down late night ideas. Things like "don't forget marriage license" and "red glasses." While the marriage license idea is a good one, I have no idea what "red glasses" means.

Her wedding colors are white, pink and oh-my-gosh I can't remember the third one. So "red glasses" doesn't apply to the table setting. Maybe it is a subliminal suggestion that I should wear "red glasses" so everything looks rosy at the ceremony? I don't have a clue.

Yep, clueless is my middle name when it comes to this event.

For example, I awoke in the middle of the night this week gasping for air. I dreamed that I was all gussied up at the wedding scene and nothing had been done. The tables and chairs were piled up awaiting someone's hard work.

I was reminded a few hours later. "You won't be there for the set-up. Your job that day is to be nice and relaxed and have a wonderful time. REMEMBER THAT!"

Whew. That had me sweating.

Do you remember the movie, “Broadcast News," with William Hurt, Holly Hunter and Albert Brooks? Brooks was a TV news reporter who always wanted to be a news anchor. When he finally got his chance, he sweated like a pig. The sweat absolutely poured off of him in rivers.

That's how I was sweating in my dream.

After confessing that dream, I inquired about my role on wedding day.

"Hmmmm, you can help decorate their car. Oops, never mind," she said after noting the fear in my eyes. "You can escort her down the aisle. Then take a seat. Think you can handle that without tripping?"

Uh, maybe?

Then there was the night I chewed up my pillow. I guess I did that, because it certainly has disappeared. Let’s see, do we need a pillow for the sacred ring? Gosh!Perhaps.. Maybe? I don't know??