Day 3: Talk About It

"One of the best ways to protect your children from child sexual abuse it by having open and honest conversations with them," stated Cannon County Child Advocacy Center Community Education Coordinator Carrie Norvell. "Build a strong relationship with your child so that they feel comfortable coming to you when they have questions or concerns."

Here are some tips from the Darkness to Lightchild sexual abuse prevention training about having conversations with children about their bodies:

1. Use proper terminology for body parts.

By teaching children proper terminology for their body parts, they are more equipped to be able to tell us if someone crosses an unsafe boundary. Names for body parts that might seem more age-appropriate create a barrier between the child and their body. We want them to have the words to open up to us, and we want them to feel comfortable talking about their body with us.

2. Eight is great.

Eight is a good time to teach children about sex and their bodies. Puberty usually starts around age 11 or 12 but can start as early as age seven. Teaching our children what to expect when their bodies start changing and answering their questions is vital. If we don't become the best source of information for our children, they will turn to their friends at school. Teaching children about sex and their bodies will make them more comfortable asking questions and sharing their concerns.

3. Take "No" for an answer.
   
   Children need to have the authority to say no when it comes to their bodies. We need to make it clear to our children and to other adults that we accept no as an answer when it comes to our children's bodies. Telling your children that they are allowed and encouraged to say no when they are uncomfortable and that you and others will respect their decisions will teach them that they are in control of their bodies. If you are at a family function and someone asks your child for a hug and the child says no, we need to support them. If we see someone offer a reward in return for an action that the child does not want to do, we need to shut it down. Children need to know that their bodies are not objects to be traded or used. Sometimes we have to step outside of our comfort zone to protect our children.
   
   
4. Talk about parts of the body that are private and boundary violations.
   
   

• We need to have age-appropriate conversations with our children about boundaries. Explaining boundaries from a young age will also teach them to respect other people when they say no. We should have the same boundaries in place for every adult that a child comes in contact with. When they enter a new situation, we can talk to them about things that should and should not happen. For example, you might talk to your child about when it is appropriate for someone to see their private parts. It's okay at the doctor's office, but it's not okay at a sleepover with their friends.

"It is important to build relationships with our children so that they grow up in a happy and healthy environment where they feel free to have conversations about their bodies when they are curious. Removing stigma from their bodies and allowing them the freedom to say no will help give them the confidence to know what type of treatment is acceptable and what is not," concluded Norvell.

Learn the next two steps this week in the Darkness to Light 5 Days of Action news articles. Contact Amanda Hammond or Carrie Norvell at (615) 653-9915 or ahammond@cannoncac.org or cnorvell@cacrutherford.org to schedule a Darkness to Light child sexual abuse training prevention for your school or daycare.