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By SAVANNAH CUNNICK
ALLOWEEN is right around the corner now. WE have talked about GHOSTS, SPIRITS, WITCHES, TRICK OR TREAT EXPERIENCES....so what's on the menu for this week's CHAT? COSTUMES and HALLOWEEN CANDY !!
Actually, Halloween is the best time to try a new hair color .... so if you look like a pumpkin with ORANGE hair it is acceptable at this time !!
Believe it or not....some people resemble a Halloween costume all year long: Like the BOOGIE MAN who passes his time at a stoplight picking his nose.
While the FULL MOON costume is what your plumber reveals when he bends over to fix your sinks. I'm sure there are plenty more we can think of..but for now let's move on.
This year some of the New costumes are: Whoopie Cushion, A Cheeto, Slice of Pizza, Fire Hydrant with stuffed dog attached, Junk Mail, A Skeen of Yarn, Bucket of KFC , Trash Can, Tube of Toothpaste and holding one's baby dressed as Dental Floss, Singing Billy Bass Wall Plaque, A Poached Egg, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton and the Most Recent: Kenneth Bone in his Red Sweater.
This year Uncle Festus is going as the Grim Reaper at the local Nursing Home and then goes home and as usual pretends to be the same thing: Not At Home. He's always been the black SHEET of the family !!
There is the elderly couple where She is dressed as a Playboy bunny and he is Superman !! (Wishful thinking Mister !!). The group of college boys that were the Baywatch Girls and the Cereal Killer with Cheerios boxes stapled all over him.
Uncle Pete is going to his Halloween party dressed up as the neighborhood drunk. Forget the candy...just give him a beer !!
My 90-year-old aunt is going as a Hooters waitress. The costume was comprised of fake boobs, cut off shorts (shrunk 3 times) and no brains. Better than her Poached Egg costume last year ! My nephew went as a Monkey wearing an Obama t-shirt.
Hey, what about the Pet Costumes !! There's a Yoda Pug, a Mexican dancer with sombrero Chiquiqua, a Ballerina Boxer, a Zebra collie, a pit bull covered in yarn spaghetti with meat balls tacked onto his shirt, a spider cocker spaniel, a frog or chicken CAT, a pumpkin hampster, a bird in a clown outfit, a black pony with a white skeleton painted on it, a Fairy or a Muppet rabbit and those chickens dressed as raccoons still trying to successfully cross the road !
Clarence confiscates all the Halloween candy and won't part from a bit of it. I mean, even if Big Foot came to the door he might just give him one piece. That way he could get a for sure shot of THE Big Foot that so far no one has ever seen one so close!! Great shot for his pizza parlor !
Aunt Martha is just curious if someone could recommend a WINE that goes well while eating her grandkid's Halloween candy. She made up a clever ditty: Hip Hip Hooray...Halloween is near...It's not the ghoulies, ghosts or monsters I fear...It's the 10 pounds of candy that will go to my rear !
Ever notice that the Dentist office posts a sign over his Halloween candy each year that reads: Take ALL the candy you want !!
Speaking of signs: what about the latest thing...where kids post signs on their costumes such as: I ONLY ACCEPT gluten free, non GMO, locally sourced candy ! Then, the kid with the baseball bat: Put THE CANDY in THE BAG! Then: NO FUN SIZE candy bars....they are smaller than my vitamins I take every morning !
If a Teenager is at your door WEARING A COSTUME please give them candy. They are still in the spirit and excited about Halloween. Don't tell them they are too old to trick or treat. They are not taking advantage just joining in the fun !! Football players always like the Butter Fingers !!
The latest profit making scam is people placing gumball or vending machines on their porch with a sign: I have BILLS to pay!! That's as bad as folks who post a sign: come back tomorrow night....'cause Halloween candy goes on half price sale...and I will give you some then...!
The newest candy recipe that Aunt Patsy uses for treats is: Boil up loads of brussel sprouts and cover with chocolate. Wrap in gold foil and hand out. (Wonder how many kids will return next year ?) Also, a good place to hide your candy from your family is to put it under some apples in the counter fruit bowl, Not so many prefer apples over candy....a safe place for awhile anyway !!
My dog, Max likes the full moon on Halloween...it's the only night of the year that HIS HOWLING is accepted by the neighbors.
One more caution note is : DON'T go dressed as a CAT in a yard full of rottweillers !!
Well, I want ALL of you...young to old.... to have a fantastic and fun Halloween. Just be careful of traffic and please check candy before eating. Pack an extra pair of underwear if you are going to a Haunted House. Don't forget the map when going through a corn maze or at least take several friends with you, so they can get lost too. Beware of pumpkin chucking...stand at the chucking line not in front of it ! And, Don't take your mother's LAST roll of toilet paper to t.p. your neighbor's tree.
Otherwise....we shall chat next week...Have a Booootiful trick or treat !!
HUGS ,
SAVANNAH
