The witch isn't in ...

Today's Chat

By SAVANNAH CUNNICK

Hey, remember the Wizard of Oz movie...when Dorothy threw a bucket of water on the Wicked Witch of the West and she melted ? After further investigation, it turned out that the Witch had a weak bladder and melted herself. (Which got Dorothy out of HOT water and free to reside in Kansas with her beloved Toto.)

Witch is derived from the word Wicca meaning the Wise one. This old, ugly hook-nosed woman stirring up a steaming brew in her favorite cauldron has become the MOST traditional entity that we associate with Halloween. Is it all a MYTH?

In the early days, there were SAGE women who learned the value of healing herbs and other homeopathic treatments. These women were actually very wise in healing methods and cured many people with their home made remedies. They carried brooms to cleanse an area or room before healing. Their pets were black cats who were said to have been spirits of witches recreated in animal form....supernatural counterparts.

As Christianity spread across Europe, many clergy from the church were upset by these healing women and felt that God should heal. They accused them of devil worship and black magic rituals. Tens of thousands of supposed witches, mostly women, were executed. The Salem witch trials occurred in Colonial Massachusetts between 1692 and May 1693. All but one witch was hanged.

Aunt Martha thinks that they stopped burning the witches at the stake because Second Hand Smoke is unhealthy. (That's my Aunt Martha !!)

Witches of TODAY are mostly not what most folks expect. They are not at all visible as a witch or warlock (the male witch). They watch football and eat hot wings, go shopping, work jobs and have families...normal in appearance as you and I. Tho, I've been told that they did indeed have to lose the CACKLE and stop wearing the pointed black hat in order to get jobs. ( I at least deserve a ghostly BOO for that one !!)

For the MOST part, these are who still practice in circles, chant and use wands to guide magical energy in right directions. There are fortune tellers with crystal balls and tarot cards who can predict the future. There are those who are with clairvoyant powers and are called upon to seek out ghosts and hauntings as we see on many programs on television.

Crystal ball readings are here now throughout the world. Derived from the word: Orbuculum....the crystal ball was first used for political consulting by the Druids. It originated in the year 2000 BC when the Celtic tribes used it in divinity, philosophy, science and by teachers, judges
and aides to the kings. These magical items were first made of beryl, a natural transparent gemstone that supposedly had specific powers.

It was later replaced by rock crystal which was more reflective and translucent. Today they are made also of clear glass. It is said that Obama has a crystal ball, but still doesn't know what Biden will say next!! It's scary to hear that he actually HAS a crystal ball...but no surprise at where the weird decisions that have been made durimg the last eight years !! I wonder if he will hand it down to Trump or Hillary when he leaves office??

Like Uncle Pete says: How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? None...they'd rather sit in the dark and blame it on Obama.

Cousin Clarence loves to golf. He once asked a gypsy if there were any golf courses in Heaven. She said that she had good news and bad news on that one. The GOOD news is that heaven's golf courses are beautiful beyond belief . The BAD news is that you have a game booked to start at 8:30 AM tomorrow morning !!

Aunt Martha went to a local fortune teller to get a reading on what lies in her future regarding her weight loss campaign. The gypsy looked into her crystal ball and told her that she has added quite a few MINUTES to her high school HOUR-glass figure. She told her that the handle on her recliner does not qualify as an exercise machine. She confessed to the fortune teller that she was going to wake up early to go jogging but her toes voted against her 10 to one !!

Uncle Festus told Aunt Martha that he would put a curse on her but it looked like someone already beat him to it. (Festus !!!) He said that he once saw a witch going into the zoo and she had to buy two tickets....one to get in and one to get out !

My little niece, Sara, said that they once crossed an owl with a witch. I said: well, what happened? She answered: a very ugly bird that doesn't give a hoot ! She also said that a witch with poison ivy is called an ITCHY WITCHY !! And, that a witch's fingernails can only be 11 inches long...because if they were 12 inches, they'd be a foot !! And the reason the witch is wearing yellow stockings is that her GRAY ONES are at the cleaners ! The witch with ONE LEG is called EILEEN. She also has an upside down nose...and every time she sneezes her hat blows off ! And, she doesn't wear a FLAT hat, because there is NO POINT to it ! (Ok, Sara...you've run out of time !!)

State Farm Insurance just called me and told me that their Witch Client with broom coverage just called and said that she had rear-ended someone! (OUCH!) She IS a member of the Anger Management Group due to her tendency to fly off the handle. On the same day, she had made the local butcher mad...she only wanted the EYE of the NEWT...and he could only sell her the whole NEWT.

Is it true that a witch won't hurt you if you run away from her? I hear, it only depends on how fast YOU run !!

WITCHES do have good advice for Halloween: Don't Drink and Fly.... NO termites on the Broom...eat hot and spicy Bat wings...you get Wicked WEDGES if you fly too long....If the BROOM fits, ride it....and forget the underwear so you can get a better grip on the broom.

Hillary Clinton's going as Pinochio on Halloween. I hear that she keeps her FEW friends close and her enemies in a cauldron! Not only can she fly on a broom she can beat you with it too....Trump's cat's favorite song is: Three Blind Mice. He also mentioned that gangsters know that Halloween, by far, is the safest day to kill a person and leave them in a chair on your porch. Good Grief, I think both of these candidates need to join the National Witches Gingerbread Chat Room.

Who, by the way, are no longer eating American children due to all the fat and cholesterol ... strictly OFF LIMITS. (Keep in mind...these are the WICKED witches...not the crystal ball ones.)

WELL...gotta run for now, Folks....Just look forward to the nice clean air on Halloween.....with ALL those WITCHES sweeping the sky !!!!

Take care and may all of you enjoy the Fall Break with your little (and older) ones.

Will CHAT next week....
HUGS, SAVANNAH