Woody: Oh baby, some weird names

By LARRY WOODY

According to breathless wire reports, actress Christiana Aguilera and fiancee Matt Rutler named their new baby Summer Rain.

If they have another kid, maybe they'll name him Scattered Showers.

How about Cold Snap or Heat Wave?

If its twins, they could name them Hot and Humid.

Christiana and Matt clearly have spent too much time watching the Weather Channel.

Oddball baby names seem to the trend, ever since Kim Kardashian and Kanye West named their bouncing bundle of joy North. He's destined to go through life as a compass direction.

Let's hope little North West stays on course, overcomes some obvious parental challenges, and his life doesn't go South.

There is a list of fairly unusual names posted on the internet. A sampling: Blip, Chow, Hurricane and Miggy

Whatever happened to Tom and Joe and Mary and Sue?

Indians used to name their papooses after special events, occasions, or spiritual signs. Sitting Bull, as I understand it, got his name after a bull sat down on his mom shortly before he was born.

Sitting Bull's cousin, Fulla Bull, was a loud-mouthed know-it-all.

Drunken Buffalo was the tribe's Otis. His wife, Screeching Buzzard, wasn't much better.

Indian maidens often had romantic names that reflected the serenity and grandeur of nature, such as Shining Star and Dancing Fawn. Or Golden Dawn and Singing Bird.

Nowadays if a maiden is named Misty Delight she's apt to be found hanging upside down on a stripper pole.

In that same Native American spirit, a modern trial lawyer might name his kid Neck Brace. Or Swerving Semi. Good names for a court attorney's twins would be Null and Void.

It's safe to assume that twins named Repeat and Felon, or Bail and Denied, might have some issues to overcome.

I once knew a race driver named Chevy. He said he got his name because of his dad's fondness for Chevrolets. Thank goodness Chevy's dad didn't go ga-ga over Studebakers.

In an opposite turn of events, instead of naming his kid after a car, Henry Ford named a car after his kid. The kid's name was Edsel, and his automotive namesake would become synonymous with "dud."

Parents, of course, have a right to name their offspring whatever they please. Once the kid becomes an adult he or she can legally change their name if they wish. That's what my boyhood buddy Stinky Hogbreath did.

The day he turned 21, Stinky marched into court and told the judge he had chosen a new name.

Today he goes by Fresher Hogbreath.